We named our party play list daddy issues
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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