My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My vagina is officially offended.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I deserve this hangover.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
