Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
We named our party play list daddy issues
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I am naked and annoyed.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
