If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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