Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
