My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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