i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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