final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
