what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
pop tarts are not kleenex
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
