I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
