It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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