she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
