Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
