You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
operation harelip BJ is a go
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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