Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
