Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
