Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
