I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
