I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
