So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You dont lie about slip and slides
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
