Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
