where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
