Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
