What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
