I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
