I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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