I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
