I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
