We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
home. puking in laundry basket.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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