I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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