Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
