he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
