They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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