I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize