the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
