Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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