I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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