You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
