thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
