you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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