i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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