i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
