dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Randomize
