i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
