Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
