Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
