maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
