yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Boobs speak an international language.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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