I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
