Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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