belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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