I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
