i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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