how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
dude. I can hear the air.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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