and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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