Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
