1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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