I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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