You work out of a Hotel?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
