he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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