I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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