In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
