Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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