Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
