Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
