Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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