I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
