no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i will never coherently bang her
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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