3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
