this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I understand Curling. That high.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
