fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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