the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize