Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
