Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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