non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
