Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
