Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
